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Step 1 Create Your Parenitng Plan.pdf

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Create Your Ideal Parenting Plan Discover your parenting type & unique philosophy Worksheets & Activities Your Parenting Mission Statement Julie Reid Step 1:

The concepts and material in this workbook and the Power Parent Program has been inßuenced by the work of many great thinkers. This body of work evolved from the ground breaking work of the following leaders in human development: Jean Piaget, John Dewey, Harvey Jackins, John Kappas, Frederic Dodson, Scott Miller, Sigmund Freud, Jean Houston, Patty Wipßer, Aletha Solter as well as the many ordinary and extraordinary people I have worked with and known. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

TABLE OF CONTENTS Step 1 and Types of Parenting Consequences to Parenting Types Power Parent Philosophy Your Parenting Type Awareness: Re-Writing Your Story Part 1: Parenting Goal Setting Pages 6 Pages 7 - 8 Pages 9 Pages 11 - 12 Pages 10 Creating Your Ideal Parenting Plan Outline Page 5 Awareness: Body Type & Characteristics Pages 13 - 14 Mind Mapping Page 20 - 21 Part 2: Exercises Finding Your Mentors Pages 15 - 16 Pages 18 - 19 Self Reßection Pages 17 Mission Statement Page 22

Copyright © 2013 by Art of Aware Parenting All rights reserved. Published in the United States of America. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage or retrieval system, without the permission in writing from the publisher. Art of Aware Parenting 1507 7th Street, Santa Monica CA 90401

The parent-child relationship is the most profound relationship we have in life because everything that a parent says or not, and everything the child hears, feels or not - all of these experiences determine their future relationships, beliefs and thus colors and shapes the child ! s entire life. Parenting is profound and you can create the ideal parenting paradigm for you and your child to support their full potential and the best possible future. Step 1 Creating your ideal parenting now calls you to Þrst look at the process of creation. In order for you to create you must look at the tools you currently have, determine which of these tools are useful and which tools you need to acquire. There are numerous parenting philosophies and if you were to read every parenting book out there you would Þnd that they almost all fall into 3 main types. What is the foundation of your parenting? From here you can move into personalizing your parenting approach by looking at speciÞc techniques which address everything from tears & tantrums, discipline, education, intelligence, problem solving, power struggles, sleeping and much more. Choose what is the best foundation for you and your family and start creating it now. Step 2 The ideal parenting approach in unique to each parent, child and situation. This requires awareness along with hypothesis and testing. The ÒidealÓ zone is much like Vygotsky ! s ÒZone of Proximal DevelopmentÓ. It is the responsibility of the parent to Þnd the sweet spot where using a technique is not too basic and not too advanced. Keeping life for your child in a balance of support and challenge where growth happens and your child ßourishes. It is using your approach and techniques through ÒidealÓ for the best possible results. Learn how to apply the ÒIdealÓ technique to your parenting. Step 3 Now is always the time to create the ideal - the present moment. Being present with yourself and your child supports your ideal creation. ÒNowÓ also forces you to look at each stage of your child ! s development. How you use the techniques will very with the one-year-old, the Þve-year-old and the teenager. While it sounds cliche the gift is the present moment. It is in the present moment that you can to see the needs of your child while looking brießy at their growth and the best future. Aware of where your child comes from and where you hope to lead them will guide you to act in the ÒnowÓ. Find out more about developmental stages. The journey of Òcreating the ideal nowÓ is a journey that I have truly enjoyed. I am honored to share it and support you in your adventure in parenting. Being a parent requires you to be stretched, to question your beliefs, to stand for something, to grow yourself as well as your child. Welcome to parenthood! Create Your Ideal Parenting Plan 5

Step 1: Creation Process Creating your ideal parenting now calls you to Þrst look at the process of creation. Creation is modeled for us in nature. Look at a ßower beautiful and inviting. The ßower is pollinated, creates seeds, the ßower dies and the seeds are spread. From the seeds sprouts new life. Creation is a process and I implore you to tap into your unique process and bring purpose to your creation. What you create as a parent will continue to change over time and you will let aspects die when they no longer serve you and you will bring forth new aspects as your child develops. As an artist and philosopher I look at sacred geometry for inspiration. For me the line and the circle represent creation. With the line being masculine and the circle being feminine the two coming together create life. These principles can in many ways be seen working together. Historically the man provided a house and the woman made it a home. The man provides the seed and the woman grows the child. While both masculine and feminine qualities exit in all of us, noticing how they play out is enlightening. The cosmic balance of the two elements is the energy of all creation. So before I get too out there and philosophical, examine the following types of parenting and choose only one that best Þts the foundation from which you wish to parent. Think of these types as the house or framework and in the following pages we will look at exercises to personalize it and make it your home. Types of Parenting Permissive : Permissive parents, sometimes referred to as indulgent parents, have very few demands to make of their children. These parents rarely discipline their children because they have relatively low expectations of maturity and self-control. According to Baumrind, permissive parents "are more responsive than they are demanding. They are nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation" (1991). Permissive parents are generally nurturing and communicative with their children, often taking on the status of a friend more than that of a parent. Authoritarian: In this style of parenting, children are expected to follow the strict rules established by the parents. Failure to follow such rules usually results in punishment. Authoritarian parents fail to explain the reasoning behind these rules. If asked to explain, the parent might simply reply, "Because I said so." These parents have high demands, but are not responsive to their children. According to Baumrind, these parents "are obedience- and status-oriented, and expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation" (1991). Authoritative : Like authoritarian parents, those with an authoritative parenting style establish rules and guidelines that their children are expected to follow. However, this parenting style is much more democratic. Authoritative parents are responsive to their children and willing to listen to questions. When children fail to meet the expectations, these parents are more nurturing and forgiving rather than punishing. Baumrind suggests that these parents "monitor and impart clear standards for their children ! s conduct. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self-regulated as well as cooperative" (1991). Create Your Ideal Parenting Plan 6

Let ! s take a look at some of the consequences of each parenting type: Permissive Parenting Consequences : ¥ In one study of over 4000 American adolescents, Susie Lamborn and colleagues found that students raised by permissive parents achieved less at school. They also had higher rates of school misconduct and substance abuse (Lamborn et al 1991). ¥ In a longitudinal study tracking 281 American children from the age of 9, researchers found that kids with permissive parents were more likely to increase levels of aggression over time. This kids with the best outcomes had authoritative (but not authoritarian) parents (Underwood et al 2009). ¥ Other studies have found links between permissive parenting and increased alcohol use among teenagers (e.g., Weiss and Schwartz 1996; Reimuller et al 2011). ¥ Compared with kids from authoritative homes, children with permissive parents tend to be less active and have higher BMIs (Sleddens et al 2011). ¥ A recent study of British 10-11 year-olds reports links between permissiveness and excessive television use. Kids with permissive parents had 5 times the risk of watching more than 4 hours of television per day (Jago et al 2011). Authoritarian Parenting Consequences : According to Baumrind, children of authoritative parents: ¥ Tend to associate obedience and success with love. ¥ Some children display more aggressive behavior outside the home. ¥ Others may act fearful or overly shy around others. ¥ Often have lower self-esteem. ¥ Have difÞculty in social situations. According to Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist and author of ÒPeaceful Parent, Happy Kids,Ó strict parenting can actually create behavior problems. Markham says the strict parent deprives children of the opportunity to learn self-discipline, because all control and decisions come from the parent. In fact, the kids reject the limits because the parents donÕt take their feelings into account. If punitive discipline is used, the teen is also more likely to be rebellious, angry or depressed, become overweight or become an excellent liar. Create Your Ideal Parenting Plan 7

Authoritative Parenting Consequences : According to Baumrind, children of authoritative parents: ¥ Tend to have a happier dispositions ¥ Have good emotional control and regulation ¥ Develop good social skills ¥ Are self-conÞdent about their abilities to learn new skills Areas affected by Authoritative Parenting: Fostering Independence The authoritative parent seeks to foster independence in a child. These parents will allow their children to work out problems on their own occasionally, rather than instantly running to help. Letting their children Þgure problems out without help encourages independent behavior. Authoritative parents also have high expectations of their children, and often the children show high levels of maturity and self-conÞdence as a result, according to Foundations Counseling, a Colorado-based therapy Þrm. Self-ConÞdent Children Authoritative parenting tends to create self-conÞdent children, according to Foundations Counseling. Because children are working independently regularly, they are conÞdent in their abilities to accomplish a task, even if the task is hard. They learn to push through frustration as they learn a new task with the encouragement and support of their parents, rather than the help of their parents. As children learn patience and emotional control while trying new activities and feeling the support of their parents, they are trained to be willing to take on new challenges with conÞdence. Achievement Oriented Children raised by authoritative parents tend to be achievement-oriented, according to Foundations Counseling. They work hard at the tasks given to them, and their strong self- conÞdence helps them see tasks through to the end. As adolescents, they often experience stronger academic success. In a study published in 1986 and stored on the Education Resources Information Center, a research team from the National Center on Effective Secondary Schools in Madison, Wisconsin, found that children of authoritative parents also had better school attendance as adolescents. Fewer Negative Behaviors This balance between nurture and strict expectations creates children who exhibit lower levels of aggression toward their peers. Because they can regulate their own behavior effectively, they are less likely to engage in antisocial behaviors according to Foundations Counseling. In general, these children are quite adaptable, well-liked by others and have strong social skills. Create Your Ideal Parenting Plan 8

Parenting Philosophies Profound Parenting looks at two basic philosophies that are very similar. Here you can see how to take a type of parenting style and create a unique philosophy. There are many philosophies for example: Positive Parenting, Un-Parenting, Empowered Parenting, Non- Violent Parenting etc. Perhaps you are getting a sense of the type of parenting that Profound Parenting favors. Here are two examples of parenting philosophies that fall under Authoritative Parenting: Attachment Parenting: When mothers are taught to increase their sensitivity to an infant's needs and signals, this increases the development of the child's attachment security. According to attachment theory, the child forms a strong emotional bond with caregivers during childhood with lifelong consequences. Sensitive and emotionally available parenting helps the child to form a secure attachment style which fosters a child's socio-emotional development and well-being. Principles of attachment parenting aim to increase development of a child's secure attachment and decrease insecure attachment. Attachment Parenting International promotes positive discipline and deÞnes it as incorporating the "golden rule" of parenting; parents should treat their children the way they would want to be treated. Positive discipline is an overarching philosophy that helps a child develop a conscience guided by his own internal discipline and compassion for others. Positive discipline is rooted in a secure, trusting, connected relationship between parent and child. Discipline that is empathetic, loving and respectful strengthens that the connection between parent and child, while harsh or overly-punitive discipline weakens the connection. Remember that the ultimate goal of discipline is to help children develop self- control and self-discipline. Power Parenting: Parents who practice Power Parenting include the child in establishing rules when possible, hold reasonable expectations that encourage growth, are responsive to the child making sure the child is heard, understood and that communication is clear. These parents use the Profound Parenting techniques to build deep connections with the child and use developmentally appropriate and natural consequences with limited logical consequences while maintaining a democratic environment over which they are the authority. Power Parents are models of and strive to raise empowered people who are responsible, independent problem solvers by providing physical, emotional and cognitive safety thus fostering the child ! s socio-emotional development. What is expected of Power Parents: - To be aware or their own cultural background, upbringing, world views and beliefs and how these will effect their child through out their lifetime. - To be aware of their child ! s unique character, sensitivities, personality, and how they respond to negative-reinforcement vs positive-reinforcement and how more is learned from natural consequences. - To be aware of the child ! s body type as well as responses to sleep, exercise, and foods. - To use democratic principles when Setting Limits and following through with natural consequences rather than punishment/reward systems. - To embrace the joy of parenting and have fun with and play with their children! Create Your Ideal Parenting Plan 9

What is your parenting Type? Take time to thing your decision through and write a statement that articulates why this style is best for your family. How does the style you have chosen work for your personality and the needs of your child? How will you friends and family react to your type of parenting? How will you respond to criticism and conßict regarding your parenting type? Use the exercises on the following pages to guide you to your parenting Mission Statement. Write you parenting thoughts and/or statement here: Create Your Ideal Parenting Plan 10

Awareness As a parent, it is incredibly valuable to look at your own history. Look back at your childhood and your parents. Deeply contemplate your own upbringing. What is your culture and background? What were the world views of your parents? What world views do you hold today and where did these come from? What stories do you tell about your own upbringing? How do these stories serve you now? Write a story or draw a picture about something that you remember from your childhood that was a deÞning moment that you wish to change: Now imagine how you would have liked for that memory to have gone. Take a moment to imagine the perfect way that memory could be. Now re-write that story or re-draw a picture about that deÞning moment that you wish to change: Use an extra sheet of paper if you need more space. Use an extra sheet of paper if you need more space. Create Your Ideal Parenting Plan 11

Awareness Compare your stories. How would you have changed had your ideal story been the one that you grew up with? Can you embrace this new you now and let it change who you become in the future? Now make a list of all the things that would have served you well in your childhood: world view, beliefs, discipline, activities, education etc. Now make a list of all the things that will serve your child well given this day and age and the future she will grow into: world view, beliefs, discipline, activities, education etc. Create Your Ideal Parenting Plan 12

Awareness Examine your relationship to health. What are your beliefs around food and exercise? What are your eating habits and the habits of your child? Now look at the following examples of body types and the characteristics that go with each body type. Which body type are you? Which body type is your child? Body Types The Endomorph : ÒEndoÓ means ÒfatÓ and ÒmorphÓ means body type. An endomorph has a very high ratio of fat to lean muscle tissue. Their bodies are often soft with loose ßesh and they gain weight easily. It seems that no matter what they eat, they gain weight. Their metabolism is extremely slow and, because of that, an endomorph is much more likely than the other body types to become obese. Endo-Meso Ð An endo-meso is a body whose predominant feature is fatty but there is an underlying muscularity. The body has the tendency to be overweight but with a certain thickness, not like the jelly body or pure endomorph. Meso-Endo Ð Again, the primary characteristic of this body type is muscularity but there is a certain roundness associated with the endo body type. Their face may be round while the rest of the body is heavily muscled. Football players often have this characteristic body type. Endo-Ecto Ð Is an individual whose body lacks muscle tissue, has a preponderance of fat, but whose frame and limbs, while appearing ßaccid and fatty, somehow remain thin. Ecto-Endo Ð Is an individual whose frame may be slight. Limbs, especially the extremities, may be slim but there is a preponderance of fat on the limbs, and perhaps thighs and midsection. The individual in question may often complain of needing to lose weight but is so often met with ÒYou? YouÕre skinny, stop complaining!Ó The fat may be very well camoußaged. Each of these body types also comes with tendencies or characteristics. Look at the characteristics below to expand your awareness of your childÕs body type and needs. The following pages have activities for you to do that will help you uncover your uniqueness. Join a class or workshop to get full support in crafting these activities into your parent mission statement. Create Your Ideal Parenting Plan 13

Awareness What characteristics does your child have? Does this help you to recognize which body type they have? How can you better support your child ! s lifelong habits with this information? Having this awareness puts you in a good position to set your child up for the best possible health because you can fulÞll their individual needs. Providing healthy meals for a family can be challenging but we provide recipes and support in our Active Families section of this program. Body Type Characteristics Mesomorph- Have low sleep requirements getting only 6 hours and are natural early risers. Enjoy good plain food and often eat too much and too fast. Unlike the Endomorph, Mesomorphs eat to live as they are active and require fuel to keep going. Noisy and rambunctious playful and active. Endomorph- Love to sleep often Þght going to sleep but once they do sleep hate to wake up. Has a love for food and lives to eat Þnding joy in food. Openly expresses feelings sharing both joy and tears equally. Talkative and naturally communicates with others. Ectomorph Ð Tend toward erratic and irregular sleeping habits usually reaching exhaustion before sleeping well and insomnia can occur in adult life. Eat very little and are often ÒpetiteÓ or ÒlittleÓ and does better with Þve small meals a day as hunger hits fast and is gone just as fast if not fed. Has emotional restraint and can be interpretted as quite or shy. Create Your Ideal Parenting Plan 14

Discovering Mentors and Role Models Take a moment to discover who your mentors are. Mentors do not have to be parents. They can be friends, characters from t.v., movies, or books, and they can be public Þgures or even a symbol or object such as a star, bottle opener, car, ßashlight and so on. The point is to use your imagination and Þnd role models that represent qualities that you admire. Create Your Ideal Parenting Plan 15

Mentor or Role Model #1 Mentor or Role Model #2 Examining Mentors and Role Models Look at one of your mentors. Really examine who they are. Imagine what it is like to be them and have the qualities that you admire. Draw a picture of these qualities: Look at another one of your mentors. Really examine who they are. Imagine what it is like to be them and have the qualities that you admire. Draw a picture of these qualities: Create Your Ideal Parenting Plan 16

Self-Reßection: What are my greatest strengths as a parent/caregiver? What are my greatest challenges as a parent/caregiver? What steps can I take to overcome my weaknesses? Consider both internal and external. Example: 1. Overcome my need to be my childÕs friend. Develop stronger adult friendships. 2. Improve my patience by Þnding time to meditate everyday. 3. Improve my diet and exercise so I can have the energy to engage the children and fulÞll all of my daily responsibilities. 4. Find affordable childcare or trade time with another parent so I can be available to attend a parent group. * This exercise adapted from Scott Miller ! s, ÒThe User ! s Guide to Being Human: The Art and Science of SelfÓ Create Your Ideal Parenting Plan 17

Goals for developing Parenting Techniques Sample Mind-map The purpose of this mind-map is to help you brainstorm on how to develop yourself as a parent/teacher and actions which lead to reaching these goals. It serves to bring out your own insights and wisdom on what you need in order to develop yourself as a parent. To begin, draw a small circle at the center of the next page. Write your core goal of deepening your abilities as a parent. See the sample below. Once you have identiÞed your core goal, think about some of the different areas that you might address in order to fulÞll this goal. Draw little circles or shapes that radiate out from the central one for each area that you identify. Feel free to be creative, using different shapes or images instead of circles. You can now develop speciÞc steps radiating from each of the different areas that you identiÞed.... To become a great parent Improve my diet and exercise to gain the energy needed. Meet other parents and develop support systems Overcome impatience take yoga class Eat smaller meals and snack Start going to farmers market again Get better sleep Spend time with the parents I already know attend events for parents and families schedule more ÒmeÓ time meditate Learn the Power Parent tools and techniques * This exercise adapted from Scott Miller ! s, ÒThe User ! s Guide to Being Human: The Art and Science of SelfÓ Create Your Ideal Parenting Plan

Draw your mind-map 19 Create Your Ideal Parenting Plan

Goals for Developing My Parenting Sample The purpose of this page is to organize your mind-map into a simple outline of goals. Here is a sample of what it might look like... I. Becoming a Power Parent through the Profound Parenting Membership A. Learn the Power Parent Techniques B. Watch all the videos and read the blogs C. Keep a tracking journal II. Gain the energy needed to engage my child and fulÞll responsibilities A. Get plenty of good sleep each night B. Eat smaller meals and healthy snacks in between C. Start going to the farmers market again and eat more vegetables D. Start taking yoga classes E. Go for two twenty minute walks a day III. Develop a support system A. Spend more time with the parents I already know B. Go to events that cater to parents and families C. Host play-dates at my house that include other parents IV. Overcome my impatience A. Find time to meditate B. Trade time with another parent for child care C. Budget childcare D. Schedule more ÒMEÓ time guilt free Goal: Developing myself as a parent. * This exercise adapted from Scott Miller ! s, ÒThe User ! s Guide to Being Human: The Art and Science of SelfÓ Create Your Ideal Parenting Plan 20

The purpose of this page is to organize your mind-map into a simple outline of goals. Goal: Developing myself as a parent. Create Your Ideal Parenting Plan 21

Create Your Ideal Parenting Plan Congratulations! You have done a lot of hard work in discovering and deÞning your parenting approach. With all of this information unearthed, use this page to write you parenting mission statement. Example: It is my mission as Raymond ! s parent to be authoritative in using the Power Parent techniques and my own creativity to support him in discovering his full potential. I plan to do this through continued education, personal development, support from community and nurturing our parent-child bond. Your Parent Mission Statement 22 Step 1 is complete! Now go to Step 2 and learn about tools and techniques for effective parenting.