Why you should not watch the Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant movie and read the book series instead
By grownasschild
Long ass title
but I’m not fuckin around here


for real though don’t watch it
it will give you anal leakage

The actual plot in Book
A Boy named Darren Shan and his best friend Steve go to a Freak Show and there Darren sees the act of Mr. Crepsley and his performing spider, Madam Octa. Darren has a obsession with spiders so he steals Madam Octa from Mr. Crepsley, who is a vampire. Shit goes down and then Madam Octa bites Steve and more shit goes down and Darren agrees to be Mr. Crepsley assistant. (Sorry for terrible description but there is so much badassdery that I mentally can not describe it)
Go to wiki for more in depth or better yet read the books because that’s what I want you to do
Wow so sugoi
Seriously go read them. I cried on the first book the writing is that good.

The author is Darren Shan (Once you read the beginning of the book you’ll get why the author and main character have the same name)

Go, go read them now You will want to have sex with this book, trust me

The plot in the movie
Eww
gross

this movie disappointed me
just like my father did


What even is this?
Out of 0 to 10 I give it
a stinky poo

Do I see peanuts?


or is that corn I rather have anal leakage


or a kidney stone

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife,
cause this movie is going to taint your mind Da fuck is wrong with you for making this??

Comparison of the shitty Movie and amazing Books
Dumbfuck movie
No plot
They just told the actors to do what they want and it was terrible
Movie/Darren is a fuckin twit
All the characters are fuckin dumb
They tried to make one movie with the first three books which was stupid
Seriously it’s like they wrote the script in like two fuckin days and then made the movie in five days
Glorious book
Plot build up is great
The characters are fuckin amazing ( mmm Larten Crespley. I want to take that man to bed mmhmm get it girl)
Darren is not a fuckin twit(he makes stupid ass decisions but it contributes to the story so I forgive him on that)
You get a LOT of feels (I cried numerous of times making me look like a bitch but that’s okay. I’ll embrace that)
Did I mention that I would fuck some of these characters? No? I would fuck some of these character they are that amazing my god
YOU WILL HATE YOURSELF READING THIS SERIES BUT AT THE SAME TIME YOU WON’T REGTRET IT

Comparison of the Characters in stupid ass Movie and magnificent Books
These Fuck Twits
Darren: emotionless asshole who is a moron and I hate him with all my body and soul
Larten Crepsley: I naturally like John C. Reilly and he was okay if you don’t pay attention to the plot.
Steve: I don’t give a shit if he was Josh Hutcherson, he was a dumb fuck in this and I hate his acting in this sorry excuse of a movie
Rebecca: WHO IN THE FUCKIN HELL ARE YOU? A MONKEY GIRL ARE YOU FUCKIN ME WITH A 10’ POLE?! GO AWAY YOU ARE NOT EVEN IN THE BOOKS WHO ARE YOU?!
Everyone else: FUCK OFF
These solid gold babies (god I love them)
Darren: Cutie baby who does stupid stuff but he learns from it and grows as a character.
Larten Crepsly: I want to do naughty things to you/you to do naughty things to me. Sexy man mmm perfect
Steve: I FUCKING HATE YOU but he is evil so I hate him in the right sense. Good character to hate.
Everyone else: Perfect, I love/hate you in all the right ways

What was wrong with the movie
They did not care. That’s it, they did not care about the fans, or the author, they just made the movie and just fucked up everything.
I’m a little mad at Darren Shan(author) for not saying anything also
And it’s not just about the plot, the acting was horrible. Even John Hutcherson was bad.
It’s not even funny to watch knowing it’s bad.

What is right with the books
It hurts in all the right ways
The plot builds perfectly, the characters grow amazingly, the feels you get will tear you apart
It’s actually scary in a suspenseful way that’s hard to do.
This is just my opinion so read at least the first three books and you’ll see if you like or not.
The movie on the other hand is just hands down terrible (even if you read the series and hated it) and if you thought it was good, I’m never ever letting you pick any fuckin movie for movie night because I forever now believe that you have fucked up movie tastes.

There is a manga!
Of all 12 books! The plot follows the book plot perfectly and the art is so bad ass you will pee yourself in excitement
Larten Crepsley is even hotter in the manga (is my opinion judge me all you want. I want to tap that mmm)
Makes you cry like the books and it hurts so good
When you’re done with the series(book/manga) you will become a masochists.
Wow


sugoi desu ne!

Even if you hate mangas, just read this one! you
will not regret it (except your attraction yet another fictional character) I’m going to cry so beatuiful

Conclusion
FUCK THE MOVIE AND GO READ THE BOOKS/MANGA
PLEASE THIS IS A PSA
Seriously I want to re-make this movie in the future and make it a masterpiece
If you want in on that, let me know (wink wonk)
Even if you read the book/manga and it wasn’t your thing that’s cool. But if you ever say that the movie was good, I will punch you in the penis/vigina get out of my face.
Eww
get away from me you hoser